Motherhood

Ever since I can remember I have wanted to be a mom. I was one of those little girls that upon being asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" would promptly and proudly reply, "A mom."

In high school I remember feeling so torn about what I wanted to study in college because of my strong desire to ultimately be a stay at home mother. I wanted to study medicine, but I knew that medical school was not an option for me-- 8 years of school and a whole lotta debt only to decide to stay home with children didn't sound all that attractive (I know, call me crazy).

Living in Romania only strengthened my desire to be a momma myself one day. Holding babies who had been deprived of the opportunity to have a mother made me ache and I remember promising them that one day I would hold my own babies a little longer, squeeze them a little tighter, cherish them a little more in honor of those sweet orphan babies.

Is motherhood everything I ever dreamed it would be? Oh yes, and so much more. My heart has never been more full and I have never felt more intense emotions-- from the deepest love I've ever known, to the most extreme concern for his well-being and happiness, to the heaviest heartache upon hearing news about the death of a friend's baby-- I feel like my emotions have been put in a magnifying glass making everything in my life so much sweeter and deeper and more meaningful.

Motherhood is a miracle to me. I could just sit and look at Baby G's face for hours. I love bringing his soft little cheeks up to mine and smelling his yummy babyness. I love his tiny squeaks and soft new-born cry. I love cuddling him in my arms and feeling his little body relax and watching him drift off to sleep. I even sort of love changing his diapers and getting up to nurse him in the middle of the night because everything about taking care of him truly is a joy to me.

I still have so much to learn about being a good mommy to Baby G but just being blessed with the opportunity is so beautiful and overwhelming and sacred. It is my daily prayer that I will be worthy of this most heavenly blessing and that I will honor the memory of my angel orphans by being the best mom that I know how.