prayer of the children

To me there is something almost sacred about rocking a baby to sleep. Holding all that innocence, all the trust in their eyes, feeling their body relax, watching their eyelids get heavier and heavier until they finally stay shut. That is heaven to me.

Why do Romanian orphans never get that?

Having a baby of my own has made my heart ache in ways that it never has before. I now am beginning to realize really how very much babies need a mommy and daddy.

Baby G is an angel, and truly is hardly ever just fussy. But still, he is a baby. And sometimes babies just need a little extra--

A few nights ago it was a little tricky to get Baby G to latch on and eat because he was both so tired and hungry that he couldn't quite figure it out.

Who takes that extra time for orphans?

When I went to lay Baby G down last night he woke up and immediately started to cry (which he normally doesn't do). I picked him up and he quickly buried his little face in my neck and fell fast asleep. He just needed an extra cuddle.

Who does that for orphans?

All the middle of the night feedings-- do orphans go hungry until morning?

Baby G gets uncomfortable and spits up if i don't burp him good enough. I can't remember ever once seeing anyone burp those orphan babies. Who does it? No one?

Why?

Why did my Baby G come to parents who adore him, who love him so much it hurts, who take care of his every need and want almost to a fault? And why was the Baby G in Romania born there, to parents who, for whatever reason, couldn't or wouldn't take care of him?

I have no answers. I don't think I'll ever come to terms with this horrific injustice in this lifetime.
But what I do know is that I'll keep holding my Baby G when he cries, I'll keep picking him up when he whimpers, I'll keep burping him long enough even in the middle of the night, and I'll keep loving him so much it hurts.

And I'll keep praying that somehow, by some miracle, someone is doing those same things for Baby G in Romania, too.

Va iubesc, copii fara mama.

Can you hear the prayer of the children on bended knee, in the shadow of an unknown room? Empty eyes with no more tears to cry turning heavenward toward the light.

Crying Jesus help me to see the mornin' light of one more day, but if I should die before I wake, I pray my soul to take.

Can you feel the hearts of the children aching for home, for something of their very own. Reaching hands with nothing to hold onto but hope for a better day, a better day.

Crying Jesus help me to feel the love again in my own land, but if unknown roads lead away from home, give me loving arms, away from harm.

Can you hear the voice of the children softly pleading for silence in their shattered world? Angry guns preach a gospel full of hate, blood of the innocent on their hands.

Crying Jesus, help me to feel the sun again upon my face? For when darkness clears, I know you're near, bringing peace again.

Can you hear the prayer of the children?
Lyrics written by Kurt Bestor

growing, growing, gone!

Here is a photo illustration of just how much Baby G has grown since he was born. He is wearing the same pajamas in each of these pictures (size 0-3 months)

These first two pictures were taken the day we brought him home from the hospital. He was 3 days old and you can see how big and baggy the pjs were on him.

These two pictures were taken of Baby G when he was almost 3 weeks old. You can tell that the pjs are getting tighter on him, but there is still room to grow.

And finally, the most recent. Baby G is 7 weeks old in these and look at how tight the jammies have gotten! I love the chub, but I am slightly saddened that he is not my little newborn anymore.

And just in case you didn't believe me, this is a picture I took this morning and check out how big he looks! J and I have taken to calling him simply "Squish." Fitting, isn't it?

Why I Love Sundays

(You know, besides the whole spiritual edification thing...)

sleeping boys

sleeping daddy

sleeping baby

sleeping mama (okay so this isn't really me, but it is a picture of where I was sleeping)

Photo Shoot Catch Up Part 3

Here is the final installment of the photo catch up. These are the latest pictures of our little Baby G and a look into what we have been up to lately.

Baby G loves his hippo play mat-- check out the smile.

For my birthday this past week we went downtown to The Gateway for some shopping and dinner.

Baby G loves to be outside and he has had plenty of opportunities lately because we have been completely re-doing our yard (ie: taking out dead sod, digging trenches, putting in sprinkler system, putting in more soil, and planting new grass). Yesterday was a perfect day for yard work because it was overcast and a little bit rainy so we weren't dying of heat. When we first got Baby G's stroller we kind of thought that the rain cover it came with was lame and we were like, "Yeah, like we will ever use that." But let me tell you, we LOVED having it yesterday because we could just keep Baby G out with us and work away. He loved watching the rain hit the plastic and stayed in there for about an hour.

So I kind of feel like white trash when we have Baby G out in his stroller wearing just a diaper, but when it is really hot I would feel even worse if he was all sweaty and hot... so white trash it is, I guess. Look at how chubby and yummy his legs are getting.

Hanging out in his swing watching Daddy dig some trenches.
He keeps his hands up by his face like this a lot of the time. Luckily he doesn't scratch himself much anymore.

Gangsta G. Don't you just LOVE those chub cheeks?

Photo Shoot Catch up Part 2

Okay, here are about eleventy billion pictures that I took of Baby G when he was a little over 2 weeks old. I absolutely loved a few of them so I got a little carried away when I was posting them... I'm sure you won't mind looking at his deliciousness though :).

Photo Shoot Catch up Part 1

Here begins the attempt to catch you all up on Baby G's life since bringing him home from the hospital....

He is a little sleepy squish face-- he was 4 days old here and check out those chubby cheeks already!
J and I are very proud of Baby G's urethral fortitide-- see the dark spot on the orange pillow in the background? Yep, that's my boy. He really does seem to wait to pee until his diaper is off and there is something nearby that his parents probably won't want pee on (like our pillows-- he never seems to pee on his changing pad when I decided to change him there).

10 days old

This is one of his favorite faces. He is really good at pursing his lips into a little circle and looking all around.

Baby G loves bath time. He relaxes and just lays there and looks around (oh yeah, and pees).

He was about 2 1/2 weeks in these last two.

Motherhood

Ever since I can remember I have wanted to be a mom. I was one of those little girls that upon being asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" would promptly and proudly reply, "A mom."

In high school I remember feeling so torn about what I wanted to study in college because of my strong desire to ultimately be a stay at home mother. I wanted to study medicine, but I knew that medical school was not an option for me-- 8 years of school and a whole lotta debt only to decide to stay home with children didn't sound all that attractive (I know, call me crazy).

Living in Romania only strengthened my desire to be a momma myself one day. Holding babies who had been deprived of the opportunity to have a mother made me ache and I remember promising them that one day I would hold my own babies a little longer, squeeze them a little tighter, cherish them a little more in honor of those sweet orphan babies.

Is motherhood everything I ever dreamed it would be? Oh yes, and so much more. My heart has never been more full and I have never felt more intense emotions-- from the deepest love I've ever known, to the most extreme concern for his well-being and happiness, to the heaviest heartache upon hearing news about the death of a friend's baby-- I feel like my emotions have been put in a magnifying glass making everything in my life so much sweeter and deeper and more meaningful.

Motherhood is a miracle to me. I could just sit and look at Baby G's face for hours. I love bringing his soft little cheeks up to mine and smelling his yummy babyness. I love his tiny squeaks and soft new-born cry. I love cuddling him in my arms and feeling his little body relax and watching him drift off to sleep. I even sort of love changing his diapers and getting up to nurse him in the middle of the night because everything about taking care of him truly is a joy to me.

I still have so much to learn about being a good mommy to Baby G but just being blessed with the opportunity is so beautiful and overwhelming and sacred. It is my daily prayer that I will be worthy of this most heavenly blessing and that I will honor the memory of my angel orphans by being the best mom that I know how.