the students

It is not very often that you can say that every member of your family is in school, but that is the case for us right now. John is in his masters program (freshwater biology) at BYU, and G, Pea and I all started another year at the Elizabeth Academy a couple of weeks ago.

I wasn't planning on teaching again this year, but when it came down to it, things fell into place too perfectly for me to not feel like that was the right direction for our family. I feel so incredibly lucky that things have worked out this way because I really never planned to work after I had children, and if the stars hadn't aligned so perfectly I never would have.

When I left work last year right before I had Pearl, I knew that I wasn't going to be coming back to teach. I didn't want the stress and pressure of getting babies out of bed early and dragging them into school with me (because by some miracle I am allowed to bring my children with me). So I had pretty much thought that I was done. But then this summer the founder of the school (Gail Williamsen) offered me a position as a teacher mentor, helping the teachers in the classrooms plan for and know how to work with the students that have disabilities. That position basically gives me the flexibility to come and go when I (and my kids) need to. I try to be there Tuesday through Thursday for about 3 hours in the morning, but if I can't be for some reason, I don't have the pressure of a classroom full of kids that need me. It is the best of both worlds because I am still working with these precious little students that I adore, helping them learn to succeed, but I definitely feel like my number one priority and obligation gets to be to my own babies. It is such a blessing.

Like I said, George and Pearl get to come with me. Pearl sleeps most of the time that I am there (she has her own little room with her Pack 'n Play set up), and I wear her in a sling when she is awake. The kids LOVE her. George gets to go to his very own class this year (last year I kept him in with me), and he is loving it so much. I was really worried about this at first because I hadn't planned to put him in pre-school this year at all. I still felt like 3 was a little too young for that. But holy cow, he was ready for it way more than I was because he is sad when it isn't a school day (he is just there the same three mornings a week that I am).

Now that things have all worked out this way I have realized the enormous blessings that have come from this. What a blessing to have G in such a beautiful school, learning with the montessori methods and materials that I have come to value and love so much. The tuition for his class is $200.00 a month-- a price we could NEVER afford right now, and what a blessing it is that we don't have to pay for a dime of it since I am teaching there. What a blessing for me to keep up on my teaching skills and still have the opportunity to spend some time working with these little ones that truly brighten my life. What a blessing that I am able to contribute to our family financially and take a little bit of that burden off of my incredibly overloaded husband. And most importantly, what a blessing that I am still able to mother my children, to feel like they are getting all of me that they need, and to realize that this change of scenery is good for them. There are other parts of our lives that are challenging (and even this isn't perfect-- I still sometimes would rather stay in bed and cuddle than get up and get ready), but in this area we are feeling full of blessings and are so grateful.

Here is G, in all of his first-day-of-school glory. He was so excited and happy.

A little kiss before we left. Nevermind the fact that I look like I am in pain.

And then there is John. I do not know how on earth he managed to make his hobbies and passions his school and career path, but his classes this semester (things like aquatic entomology and limnology) cannot possibly feel like school to him since the homework involves things like this:

hi gross little guy!

Remember how he has been collecting and preserving aquatic insects for the past couple of years just for fun? Yes, well now he is required to. It is almost comical when he calls me up and tells me that he HAS to go on an overnight field trip to a river or lake somewhere with one of his classes. Last night I helped him sort and label some of the samples from his most recent gathering expedition. I decided that I was most helpful in the labeling arena-- picking up dead, squishy bugs with forceps really doesn't thrill me that much.

His job on the left, my job on the right, thank you very much.

I am glad I was paying enough attention last night to realize that John has been using our plastic food containers to sort bugs in. I asked in horror if he has always been doing that, and he never really answered, which means that of course he has. I kindly suggested that he could just go ahead and keep those little tupperware containers as his very own bug sorting ones. I am positive that before this conversation those had just been getting put in the dishwasher and then put away in the cupboard ready to store leftovers in. Ew.

As much as I dislike looking at the jumble of icky bugs floating in my tupperware, I have to admit that they look kind of cool once they are sorted into their vials.

Here was last night's finished products, all lined up and ready to be organized into the boxes of bugs that live above my computer. John said that I was talking in my sleep about something being "so gross and disgusting." Can you really blame me when this is what I did right before bed?

cleaning my mental house

So there are these two questions that friends have asked me in comments on blog posts that I have never answered, and every time I think about it I feel like a loser. So today I am (finally) going to rid myself of the guilt and answer the questions! And instead of just answering to the people directly, I am posting the answers here because I think they may be of interest to a few more of you.

Quite some time ago my friend Lindsay (who is also a teacher) asked me if I was working. I have truthfully been meaning to post about the beautiful school that I work at for the whole year because I think everyone should know that such a place exists, but I'm only now getting around to it. So the short answer is yes, I am working. But the details are what really matter. I had never planned to go back to work after I had kids (unless I HAD to). In the summer of 2008 I talked about the Montessori training that I went to. That opportunity has blossomed, and the woman who paid for my training started an INCREDIBLE school and asked me to teach at it. The school is called the Elizabeth Academy. Click on the name and go to the website-- I love the mission of the school and believe so strongly in what we are trying to do there. Here is a little blurb about the methods and approach of the school from the website:

"The structured Montessori approach is so individualized, so adaptable and so focused on the child's need, rather than the teacher's need, or the parent's want, or the state's dollar, that the child can't help but flourish.  And yet, as the child becomes the teacher's focus, the child becomes less focused on himself and more aware and respectful of the world around him.  There is no better model, no purer way to be inspired than through a Montessori education.

Elizabeth Academy mandates legitimate inclusion-- creating a slice of the real world with a safety net of real professionals at arms length and open arms to competently and lovingly help navigate the path."

The school mimics the actual population by including a ratio of about 20% of kids that have special needs into the classrooms with their typical peers. The students have learned from each other and grown to love each other, without even really noticing the differences between them. It is really remarkable. I fit in as the "Readiness Teacher." There were a few students who weren't quite ready for the full classroom environment, kids who needed more support and structure due to their special needs. I was asked to come in and be the teacher in that small classroom. Why I said yes (other than the fact that I really loved the idea of being involved in such an incredible school)? I was able to bring my little boy along with me as a typical peer model for these kids. Little G has been able to get up and come to school with me (we are only there three mornings a week for three hours) and it has been such a blessing to have him there learning alongside me. Also amazing? The classroom is staffed with three (3!) diversely educated adults-- me (special education), Miss Maria (speech therapist), and Miss Kelly (Montessori teacher). Also amazing? The resources that we have available to us to work with these children. I am seriously constantly shocked at the materials and resources we are given. If we need something to work with a student? We can buy it. We are not limited by government funding, and the founder of the school truly wants to spare no expense to enable these children to thrive. It is really incredible. We started out with five students in my class, and have since transitioned one (who was ready) to the other classrooms, and added 4 more typical students. This was a picture of us at the beginning of the year:

Oh how I have grown to love these little people. I will miss them (all except for the cute one in the yellow shirt-- that one I am taking with me :)) when I leave in a few weeks to have my baby. I may be back next year (can you believe that they will allow me to strap my baby to my body, bring my three year old, and teach?!), but I also may not be. But I feel so grateful for the opportunity to have been affiliated with such a beautiful school. It is truly a model for how education should be, and people have begun to take notice. We have had visitors from around the nation come observe in the school, and hopefully there will be more like it popping up all around. I would feel so blessed to one day be able to send my children to a school like it.

Okay, now onto the next question. Many of you have inquired what I meant by "doing without any extra stuff" as it pertains to the birth of this baby in my belly. Yes, it is true, I am planning an unmedicated, intervention free (hopefully) birth this time around. Let me be real here-- I am not your typical hypnobirthing woman. No no, in fact, I grew up in a house with an OB/GYN as a father who spoke these words often: "Why wouldn't you want an epidural?! It's like getting your appendix taken out without any anesthesia!" So when I got pregnant the first time I didn't even think twice about getting an epidural. And honestly, I had the most incredible experience giving birth-- it truly was just about as picture perfect as I could imagine, epidural and all.

So why would I want to do things differently this time around?

Giving birth that first time made me aware of my identity as a woman, created specifically to bring babies into the world. I felt like my body had been made to give birth to babies, and I knew I could do it just like women have been doing it for thousands of years. I felt (and feel) a desire to connect with childbirth at its roots-- just me, strong and empowered, giving birth the way my body was designed to. 

I also really love the notion of controlling my body with my mind. I have been taught since I was little that I needed to use my mind to keep my natural man tendencies in check, no matter how strong the desire or appetite. And while this is a little different in that I do not in any way think that choosing an epidural makes one mentally weak, I do personally feel a strong sense of wanting to strengthen my mind and use that strength to get through something that is physically difficult.

And lastly, it really is just safer to not have an epidural. No I do not think that epidurals are typically dangerous, and yes, I would potentially consider getting one myself again one day, but still, any kind of medical intervention poses some risk. If I can give birth without submitting myself or my baby to any unnecessary risk (no matter how small), I think that is a good thing.

So I (along with my very supportive husband) am half way through a six week course in Hypnobabies training. I practice deep relaxation and positive affirmations every day. I am truly confident in my body's ability to give birth naturally, and am grateful daily for the time I am spending deep in meditation and thought as I prepare. I think about giving birth constantly and honestly, I am SO looking forward to it. I know that there is a chance that things may not go as planned, but I also know that I am doing the work that I need to now so that I can have a truly incredible experience on the day that this babe decides to come. I know some of you have used hypnobabies/birthing before and I would LOVE to hear any and all advice you have. I also know that some of you will be skeptical and doubting. That's okay, but please, don't leave comments about it because I don't want to have to put up my bubble of peace when I read them :).

civil rights in a new light

I had a little experience at work yesterday that had made me think a lot over the past 24 hours. I think it is something worth sharing because of the passionate feelings it has generated in me.

I am currently working at a school in Granite School District(GSD) for two mornings a week (both mornings J is able to be home with Baby G because those are the days he goes straight to school instead of going in to work, so it has been a really fantastic situation). However, I am not employed by GSD. I am employed by The Elizabeth Academy, which I wrote about in a previous post. It is a private school, and since this is its first year and we weren't quite ready for our own place we teamed up with GSD. Anyway, the point is, that in the classroom (it is a preschool for typical children as well as kids with disabilities) there are at least two other adults at all times that are the GSD employees and they are technically the ones responsible for all the students in that class. I am there to work with the students that have special needs on a one on one basis, and I help a lot with classroom management as well. So, with that background, this is the important part.

Yesterday I had a small group of kids that I was working with. The other two adults were with the other half of the class on a walk to look for letters of the alphabet around the school. When they all came back one of the teachers came up to me with a disgusted look on her face and said (loudly enough for the students to hear), "We sort of have a problem with L's diaper." L is a five year old little girl with Down Syndrome, and she is not yet potty trained. I wasn't sure what she meant. I was like, "You mean she needs her diaper changed?" And the other two adults were all, "Uh yeah, and it smells really bad."

I was honestly shocked. I sat there for about two seconds looking at them and realized that each one was waiting for the other one to step up to the plate and offer to go change the diaper (it is supposed to be their job to do this since I am not even an employee of the district). Before either one relented, I got up, walked over and grabbed L's backpack, bent down and whispered to her that we were going to go change her diaper. The other teachers gave me looks of both relief and pity as L grabbed my hand and we walked into the hall. When we got into the bathroom there was a student in one of the stalls. We waited outside and looked at the fish until the student left so that L could have some privacy. Then as I changed her I quietly talked to her about her family and her dogs. When we were finished, I lifted her to the ground, we washed our hands and discreetly walked back into the classroom. As soon as we were back one of the other teachers asked, "Was it bad?" I pretended not to hear her.

So tell me, what is wrong with this picture? Are you as upset about this as I was? Let me let you in on why I am still fuming about this whole thing.

People, ALL people, deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Even 5 year old little girls with Down Syndrome. L did not deserve to have the news of her dirty diaper being broadcast to the other kids in the classroom. That is embarassing to her. Clearly the other adults did not think that she would be aware of those social cues, but let me tell you, she is all too aware. She didn't need someone changing her diaper who was going to make her feel like a disgusting animal while they were changing it either. She knows she has a poopy diaper, and she knows that it isn't pleasant to change. She should NEVER be made to feel like she isn't worthy of having dignity. That is why I quietly talked to her while changing her. Trust me, she is uncomfortable with being naked on a table and having the contents of her diaper looked at. It is obvious. She deserved to be made as comfortable as possible in that situation. We slipped back into the classroom in a way that the other students wouldn't have even noticed that L was gone until one of the teachers had the nerve to ask how the diaper change had gone.

Are you kidding me? Do you really think that it is fair to L to sit there and discuss her diaper in front of the other kids? Are there really people in this world that think that just because someone has a disability they don't have the right to be treated with the same respect and concern any one else deserves?

In college I remember one of my professors (hi Katie!) saying something to the effect that the fight for equal treatment of people with disabilities will be the last civil rights battle we will all face. I think she was right.