I think I've mentioned before that I was not at all nervous to have a baby. I had zero apprehension about becoming a mom and caring for a newborn. I knew I could handle it and I was just SO excited that there wasn't room for any anxiety about it.
Baby number 2, however?
Not so much.
It's not that I'm panicky-worried, or that I'm not excited, or that I think I can't handle it. I am SO excited to have a fresh, tiny babe to hold, and I know I can handle it. And though I am a little nervous about the kinks it will throw in our schedule at first, I know that will work itself out in time. But the real bitter in the bittersweet feelings I'm having?
Knowing that my time with just little G is coming to an end. Oh how I have delighted in each moment of having my best buddy and favorite friend be my little boy. I have so loved taking him with me wherever I go. Truly, he has never felt like a burden and I have spent almost all of his awake hours with him-- with the exception of one night away a couple of months ago, I think I could count the number of hours that he has spent away from me in his 29 months on two hands. While there is excitement and happiness in knowing that my family is growing (which is all I've ever wanted-- to have a happy, big family), there is also the twinge of sadness that it will never again just be daddy, mommy, and baby. I have so loved being our cozy family of three. I can't help but wonder if I will be as close to my little G as I am now once I add another baby to the mix.
I know logically that my love will only be multiplied and my heart expanded for each child that I am blessed with. I know that as we add children to our family I will feel as though my soul becomes a little more complete with each one. I know that. It makes sense to me, and I am so looking forward to those thoughts and feelings. But I also know that I will always look back on these blissful days of just my boy and me with nostalgia and reverence and gratitude for the love and beauty that just he and I got to share together. I get a lump in my throat just thinking of it all.