Monday, December 14, 2009

he and me

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I think I've mentioned before that I was not at all nervous to have a baby. I had zero apprehension about becoming a mom and caring for a newborn. I knew I could handle it and I was just SO excited that there wasn't room for any anxiety about it. 

Baby number 2, however? 

Not so much.

It's not that I'm panicky-worried, or that I'm not excited, or that I think I can't handle it. I am SO excited to have a fresh, tiny babe to hold, and I know I can handle it. And though I am a little nervous about the kinks it will throw in our schedule at first, I know that will work itself out in time. But the real bitter in the bittersweet feelings I'm having? 

Knowing that my time with just little G is coming to an end. Oh how I have delighted in each moment of having my best buddy and favorite friend be my little boy. I have so loved taking him with me wherever I go. Truly, he has never felt like a burden and I have spent almost all of his awake hours with him-- with the exception of one night away a couple of months ago, I think I could count the number of hours that he has spent away from me in his 29 months on two hands. While there is excitement and happiness in knowing that my family is growing (which is all I've ever wanted-- to have a happy, big family), there is also the twinge of sadness that it will never again just be daddy, mommy, and baby. I have so loved being our cozy family of three. I can't help but wonder if I will be as close to my little G as I am now once I add another baby to the mix. 

I know logically that my love will only be multiplied and my heart expanded for each child that I am blessed with. I know that as we add children to our family I will feel as though my soul becomes a little more complete with each one. I know that. It makes sense to me, and I am so looking forward to those thoughts and feelings. But I also know that I will always look back on these blissful days of just my boy and me with nostalgia and reverence and gratitude for the love and beauty that just he and I got to share together. I get a lump in my throat just thinking of it all.

10 comments:

Danica Osborn said...

oh my goodness. ditto to everything you just said. you just put all my thoughts and apprehensions and excitement into words...

The Camps said...

oh Liz, you just made me cry reading that. It has been so neet to read about your relationship with your little boy. I think these feelings are ones that we all have to face someday when baby #2 comes. I am nervous for when it's my turn. You are such an amazing person and an amazing mom!

Sassy Rachel said...

Oh so very sweet. There's just something about little boys:)

Can you please email me your address? Thanks!

Lemme said...

i love that little boy!! he's so cute!! and you're GORGEOUS!!!

Adam said...

You know what this post needs? A large photo of George throwing up.

Mama Janet said...

Adam that was uncalled for! This is so sweet and right on. I remember feeling so much the same way. I found out that Steve and I really felt like a family when we had the interaction of two little children. It's so fulfilling to be a mother. What a blessing!

The Edwards Family said...

That is exactly how I felt! And now I can't imagine our family without Asher! Emery and I still get plenty of alone time while Asher is sleeping and sometimes when Court gets home from work he stays home with Asher and Emery and I go out just the 2 of us. Or my mom has come over and stayed with Asher so I can take Emery to her dance class alone or to the library alone or wherever we decide to go. It all works out and you'll be amazed at how quickly the baby just becomes part of your family that you forget what it was like without them. Just treasure the last little bit you have with George and then make it a point to give him one on one time everyday after the baby comes. Have fun with him these last few months!

Sassy Rachel said...

Ok so my last comment was so rushed and I didn't have time to really express my thoughts on this post so here it is...

Your feelings are so real and so normal. Your world revolves around that first and I so had the same thoughts about having a second b/c Ella was it, she was our world. Not that we weren't excited, but you don't know what to expect really when all you know is that first child. Then they come and it's still a little weird that you actually have another, but they fill the missing slot that you didn't really know you had until they came along. If that makes sense:) It is the best having two, and watching them interact together. Ahhh! I love it. Georgie will be such a great big brother. It takes some adjustment to two, but you will eventually get in the swing of things and it will be normal and simply wonderful. I'm so excited for you!

K girl...I still need your address! Do you still use junglelizzie?

Mandy and Roger Woodhouse said...

I've been thinking about that a lot these days. I've been sucking in as much time with Mya as I can. Bad year to have a baby... there is so much to do!

em&m said...

I completely understand.