it's in my blood (a note from the baby)

Last week I overheard Mommy and Daddy talking one morning about what a beautiful day it was going to be. Mommy said she was in the mood to go fishing, but Daddy had to go to work. After a few minutes I heard Daddy say something about being sick (which seemed weird to me because right before that he had been throwing me up in the air and playing), and Mommy was packing some bags of snacks while Daddy got out these long sticks. Before too long we were in the car headed up a canyon to go fishing. I didn't even know what fishing was, but Daddy kept telling me I was born to be a fisherman so I just played along.

After a long drive we got out of the car, Mommy rubbed this white lotion all over me, and they hooked me onto Daddy's back so I could be as tall as him. I loved being up so high.

Mommy and Daddy got out their long sticks and started swinging them back and forth. It was funny to watch.
Luckily Ne Ne (that's my grandma) was there to keep me company while Mom and Dad played in the water with their sticks.
They made me wear this hat. I hate hats. I take them off.
But pretty soon I heard Daddy whistle and Mommy ran me down to the water to see what he had. It was a tiny shark!
I loved touching his eyeballs. He was slippery so I couldn't hold on to him. But I wanted to real bad.
Then Mommy yelled for Daddy and she had a shark too! Hers was bigger and prettier than Daddy's and she was very happy about that.My family likes this fishing business and they say I should get used to it because we are going to go a lot.
I liked it too, but I started to get real, real tired.

As soon as we got in the car to go home I fell fast asleep.
But I dreamed of catching big sharks all by myself one day. I guess I was born to be a fisherman.

boy after his daddy's heart

Our baby has turned into a daddy's boy. I wish you could see how excited Baby boy gets when his dad walks in the door from work-- he hears him unlocking the door and he immediately drops whatever he is doing and starts breathing heavy, waving his arms, and staring at the door.

And once daddy is home at night I am a mere accessory to their fun. I used to have a little bit of an edge because I was the food supply-- I still am part of the food supply, but Baby G has decided that doesn't really matter now because daddy can feed him yogurt and mangoes. Even when he nurses before bed I have to leave the room because if he sees his dad he won't nurse-- he just wants to play. I guess I sort of don't blame him. His daddy does lots of fun things with him. For example: He loves to "hang" from the (really ugly) ceiling fan in the living room. As soon as Daddy picks him up he starts reaching for it and since Daddy is so tall it is easy for him to grab it and hold on as long as he likes.
They also like to read books about trout and fly-fishing. One of Baby G's favorite things to play with is his dad's thread bobbin while he is tying flies.
With the nicer weather we have resumed work on the exterior of the house. Most daddys would want to do this work in peace, but Baby G is lucky-- his daddy just straps him in the BabyBjorn and they get to it.

Recently Baby G has also gone to Provo with Daddy. They got to go to class together and look at the ducks by the pond. When J brought Baby G home to me so he could go to work Baby G cried. It made me feel really good.

Baby G also loves going to see Daddy at work and playing with all of the paperclips and white-out bottles on his desk. Even though it is becoming clear that I am no longer my baby boy's favorite, I am SO grateful to have a husband that is such an involved and devoted father. I feel so blessed to have him.

One final story about the baby and his dad-- Baby G has really taken to this bottle of pink baby lotion:

It is his favorite toy and makes him happy when everything else is boring. I don't know what is so appealing to him about it, but for some reason, he carries it around in his little hands for as long as we'll let him. One day when he was being particularly attached to the bottle of lotion his daddy looked at him and, with a hint of sadness in his voice, said:

"Why can't you love blue lotion bottles?"

Pink lotion bottles just aren't that manly, I guess.

noapte buna

Tonight this picture came up on my screensaver:

For some reason as soon as I saw it I got emotional and had to fight back tears. Maybe it is because the way sweet Delia is sleeping reminds me of how Baby G sleeps. And maybe it is because I almost cannot stand the thought that Delia has to fall asleep alone. Maybe it is because she is sleeping on dirty sheets. Maybe it is because there isn't anyone to cover her up. Maybe it's because she doesn't have a favorite blankie to hold for comfort. Maybe it is because she doesn't have anyone to come pick her up when she wakes up from her nap. Whatever the reason, my heart is aching and heavy tonight.

Sometimes I feel like Alma when he wishes to be an angel to cry repentance (Alma 29), but this would be my cry instead: "O that I were an angel, and could have the wish of mine heart, that I might go forth to the corners of the earth where babies are lonely and pick them up, give them kisses, hold them close, and rock them to sleep. O that I were an angel and could take away their suffering, could ease their sorrows, and could bring them peace. O that I were an angel."

I remember feeling so sad at times when I was in the thick of all of the suffering in Romania. But I expected that. I knew I would see tragedy and I knew I would feel heartache. I also was IN Romania and I felt like I was doing something about it, which lifted my burden a little. I also believe that we were blessed with an endowment of peace in order to go about our work while we were there. What I didn't know was that the sorrow I felt there would never leave me-- that it, in fact, would be stronger at times after returning home. Even three years later (almost to the day) the heartache I feel every once in awhile catches me completely off guard. It can hit when there is a big snow storm, or when I am playing with my baby, or when I see a picture on my computer screen. The hardest part for me now is that there isn't much I can do about it.

Of course I can be rational about it, and I know that there are seasons in life. My two seasons in Romania have come and gone, and that was the Lord's plan for me. The season of my life now is to be a wife and mother. And I adore this season. I wouldn't trade being a wife to my dear husband or a mama to my sweet baby for anything else in the world, not even to be back in Romania. But that doesn't mean that I don't still ache to be able to do more to help. If anything, being in this new season and having my own family has only intensified my knowledge that I need to do more, that each of us has a sacred obligation to reach out in our own capacities and spheres of influence. And I guess that is the key, isn't it?

Sometimes I need a wake-up call like a picture of a sleeping orphan to remind me that, though I cannot be in Romania right now, I can and should be doing more right here in my own backyard. That is the way I can do my part right now, and that service is every bit as needed and valuable and life-changing as any other service I've ever done or will ever do. I'll do better if you'll do better, okay? Let's make a difference where we can. I think that would make Delia very happy.

Sweet dreams, baby girl.

mama's boy or dadda's boy?

I was looking through some of the pictures on my computer today and saw these from a few weeks ago. Looking at them made me wonder...

Does this baby

look more like

his daddy
or his mama?


What do you think?

lucky duckie

There have been a few times over the past couple of weeks that when I go into Baby G's room to get him after waking from a nap he immediately starts lunging and reaching toward his bookshelves. At first I thought that maybe he wanted to read a book since that it what we often get off of the bookshelf together. The immediate throwing of the book to the ground followed by more intense reaching to the bookshelf tipped me off that a book was not what he was after. So I turned him around to see what he was looking at, lifted him up to the top of the bookshelf where a few stuffed animals live, and voila, the babe reached out, grabbed the bright stuffed duckie that my grandma had given him, and gave it a giant squeeze.
Now when he starts lunging out of my arms after naptime I know right where to take him.
He loves this duckie.

for kim and ken

A few weeks ago I was in Idaho visiting my aunt and uncle and their family. On the last day I was there we got into a little bit of a hula hoop showdown and my performance was not so great... I used to be able to hula hoop with the best of them, but somehow my skills had definitely declined. So I came home with a determination to hula hoop once again no matter how many hours I had to spend practicing. Last week I was at my best friend's house and noticed that she had a hula hoop. I decided to try it and BAM! My skills were back in full force! Check me out now Kim and Ken! I want a rematch next time you are in town.

Tiggity Tag

Mandy tagged me and I think she will be proud with how quickly I've responded :).
Here are the rules:
A: Each player lists 6 facts/habits about themselves
B: At the end of the post, the player then tags 6 people and posts their names; then goes to their blogs, leaves them a comment letting them know that they have been tagged and invites them to read your blog.

1. I am a little bit of a spelling/grammar freak. If something is spelled wrong or written grammatically incorrect it sticks out in my brain and drives me crazy. And I love reading things that are well-written and use proper subject-verb agreement :).

2. I have anxiety issues when there are dirty dishes left in my sink. If the kitchen isn’t cleaned up before I go to bed I wake up feeling stressed about having a messy kitchen—which is why I don’t go to bed (or leave the house) with a dirty kitchen. I absolutely LOVE waking up/coming home to a clean kitchen (wow, I used the word “kitchen” a lot).
3. I give unsolicited driving instructions when I am in the car with my husband. He insists that he can get places without me, but seriously, I cannot tell you the number of times we have missed our exits if I don’t remind him to get in the right lane in enough time. I feel completely justified in being a backseat driver with him because if I’m not we won’t get where we need to go on time.
4. If I don’t do something in my house right when I see it (ie: dust the TV when I notice it needs it) then it doesn’t get done. I have learned that when I see something that needs to be cleaned/fixed in my house I should just take a minute and do it right then or else I won’t remember to do it later and it won’t get done.
5. I become unresponsive when I am nursing my baby. I get into this zone where I space out in deep thought and will seriously not notice that my husband has been saying my name repeatedly for 2 minutes. I wouldn’t even know this except I am making an effort to be better because my poor husband feels like I ignore him every time I feed our son.

6. I rarely listen to a song all the way through. I have favorite parts of songs that I like to hear and once the part is over I am ready to move on to the next song. Maybe that’s why I pretty much just stick to listening to AM Sports Radio in my car instead of music.

I tag Rachael, Karissa, Amy, Katie, Kristi, and Camie.

when a 6 year old gets ahold of your camera

So I was scanning through the pictures on my camera yesterday and was pleasantly surprised when I found about 20 pictures of my little sister. It was obvious she had taken them of herself and when I showed them to her and asked her what she was doing in them all this is how she responded:

"I was throwing up."
"I was just saying, 'come here.' "
"I was trying to take a picture of my eye but this was just my hair."
"I was sleeping."
"I was saying, 'peace.'"
"I was still saying, 'peace.'"
"I was still saying 'peace.'"
Me: "Yeah but why do you have a mad face?"
Her: "Because that's how I do peaces."

"I was just punching cause I was pretending I was mad."
"I was thinking because I was pretending I didn't know something."

Does anyone else find those as humorous as I do? And the best part is that those are just a few of the pictures she took. The rest are variations on those same poses (because it takes a few shots to get it just right apparently) and then some nice blurry shots of her various facial features because she got VERY close to the camera. If you'd like to see more just let me know-- this morning I found that she had done similar things on my mom's camera.

hungry eyes

I never really understood what girls meant when they said that they felt like a guy was looking at them like they were a "piece of meat." Never understood, that is, until now. Now that I have these eyes
that won't even look at me in the face if they are hungry I completely get it. I am nothing but a walking feeding station to this little boy and he knows it. He stares at my chest and grabs at my shirt and if that doesn't immediately result in me whipping it out right then and there he does this:
Please tell me some of you other nursing mommies can relate.

all orphans go to heaven

Costica (1999-2008)

(his Bartman sweater makes me smile every time I look at this picture)
(he was always going around asking everyone if they wanted a massage and then he would dutifully give your shoulders a few squeezes followed by his signature karate chopping action)

Now you can rest, sweet boy.
Now you have family.

the fascinating properties of water

Did you guys know that no matter how hard you try, there is simply NO way to hold onto water as it runs out of the faucet during a sink tubby (or any kind of tubby, really. This one just happened to be in the sink)? Baby G just recently discovered this and it was most puzzling.

really attractive wedding pictures...

...make fantastic Valentine's Day cards.aren't I a thoughtful and creative wife?

(that was a joke)

Wait...

When did he grow up?

All about my superhero husband

ignore the date on the photo. it was actually taken in 2003 right before J left on his mission (we look so young, don't you think?). he and his parents came to hawaii to visit when i was going to a semester of school there. and please forgive him for the incredibly TACKY hawaiian shirt. don't worry, i pick out his clothes now.

My dear EBF Mandy tagged me to do this HUBBY TAG awhile ago:

WHAT IS HIS NAME: Wolverine

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN TOGETHER? been together--6 years minus 2 for his mission (we wrote, sorta, but I was completely not on his radar at all, and I managed to enjoy myself A LOT while he was gone, but he was always the man of my dreams. He claims that he always felt the same way, but seriously, love can only grow so much when all you do is bear your testimony all day).Married-- 2 1/2 years

HOW OLD IS HE: 23 1/2

WHO EATS MORE:.. him

WHO SAID "I LOVE YOU" first: the very first time way back in 2002 it was me... I was a brave, uninhibited teenager in love. When he got home from his mission, however, it was him. I wouldn't have said it first if my life depended on it. I guess I got more conservative as I aged :)

WHO IS TALLER: if it was me I would be very sad-- he is 6'4" and that would make me a very tall female.

WHO SINGS BETTER: he does, but we both like to point out when the other is off tune when we sing Baby G his nightly bedtime "I am a Child of God." He is a really good singer though, and I am... well, let's just say less than awesome.

WHO IS SMARTER: I honestly think he is, but he gets all huffy when I say that. I am better at writing papers and english-y stuff, but he is better in the sciences, his memory is amazing, he knows the most random facts about animals and wildlife, and he can just plain figure stuff out better than I can. Wouldn't you say that makes him smarter?

WHO DOES THE LAUNDRY: I guess both of us. Usually I'll be the one to put in a load, but he'll always help me fold.

WHO DOES THE DISHES: Both of us, but he probably does them more because when I make dinner (which I usually do) he will always offer to do them.

WHO PAYS THE BILLS: Him. Totally him. I figure that since he makes the money he can just deal with all that stuff. Tell me how much I have to spend on what (groceries, diapers, gas, miscellaneous etc.) a month and I am good. That's all I need to know.

WHO MOWS THE LAWN: funny. We both did this past summer, but the best part is that in order to start our lawn mower we both HAVE to be there. You see, we inherited an old, worn-out lawn mower from the previous owners of our house--they obviously thought it was broken so they just left it in the back yard. Being the handy husband that he is, Wolverine decided to go out back and tinker with it a little before we went out and bought one. Pretty soon he had figured out that if I completely stand on top of the lawn mower and hold the handle part down at the same time he can pull the cord and get it started. Then I have to hurry and jump off to avoid getting hit by the part that I am standing on when it comes flying off. I laugh hysterically every time we do this, and I am sure our neighbors think we are the trashiest people in the world. But it does the job and saves us from having to spend money on a new one so we will just keep with it until it stops running all together. Or until one of us gets killed trying to get it started.

WHO COOKS DINNER: Usually me. On weekdays I cook, but on weekends or other random occasions where we are both home he will usually be the one to start throwing something together for us. And he always barbeques when we do that.

WHO DRIVES WHEN YOU ARE TOGETHER: Usually him.

WHO IS MORE STUBBORN? Me. Yeah, me.

WHO KISSED WHO FIRST: he kissed me. And we were watching "Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang." And we were 17. And it was awesome :).

WHO PROPOSED: he did. In a cemetery. And it was awesome :).

WHO IS MORE SENSITIVE: uh... me.

WHO HAS MORE FRIENDS: I'd say we are pretty equal. We have a lot of the same friends.

WHO HAS MORE SIBLINGS: Me. There are 6 kids in my family and only 2 in his. Although he does have 6 step-siblings. So nevermind, I guess it is him.
WHO WEARS THE PANTS IN THE FAMILY: We both have our strong opinions about different things so I think it is both of us at different times. But luckily we think a lot alike about most things so it's usually not too difficult.

Many of you have already done this, so I will just tag anyone who reads this and hasn't done it yet.